Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
