just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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