Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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