All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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