During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
