are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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