Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
did i walk over a car last night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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