@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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