If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize