fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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