Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
