Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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