Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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