my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
