You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
