his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
