To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
