Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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