I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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