call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
