i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
