Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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