he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
