Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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