Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
