maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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