Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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