Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
