No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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