girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
