hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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