is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
