HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
