I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
