the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
