Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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