Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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