i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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