Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
