I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
