JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
