I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
