If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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