she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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