he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
