i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
