youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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