Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
