Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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