I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
