I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
