the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
