Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
there was a trapeze. enough said
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i came on her dog
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
