Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was born a porn star she said
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
