batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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