watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize