She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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