theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry about my life...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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