people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
its liver damage thursday
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
