hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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