I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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