I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
