When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
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i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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