OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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