i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
