Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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