Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am naked and annoyed.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
