I cockslap morals
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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