i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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