She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
