I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
