I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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