Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
