38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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