I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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