there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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