I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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